


The Essence Of Man

by majel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x23, Angst, Destiel Angst, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Sam POV, Temporary Character Death, canon compliant Destiel, meaning there are emotions that hint at Destiel, revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 22:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majel/pseuds/majel
Summary: Sam can’t lose it now. Cas is dead and Dean… Sam can’t trust him to make any rational decisions. If Jack can really revive Castiel, then it’s Sam’s job to make sure that it’s for the right reasons - and at what cost.A Sam POV, Cas Revival, 12x23 fix it - story.





	The Essence Of Man

**Author's Note:**

> This story wasn't supposed to happen. I originally set out to write a cracky, humorous piece that needed an introduction that brought Cas back after the end of 12x23. One paragraph turned into another and eventually I ended up with this. I know I'm a little majorly late to the 12x23 coda/fix-it party but I hope you'll enjoy anyway.

Jack's not really the Antichrist everyone made him out to be. He's scared and traumatized and a little overwhelmed. Being born, consequently killing your mother, stabilizing a multidimensional rift and aging 25 years all at once would do that to anyone. And now, the only other being in the universe he’d related to and cared about was gone.

He's also all powered up and deeply distrustful of the Winchesters. Which ,fair enough, they did try to kill Jack and when that didn't work out, tried to extinguish an integral part of his identity.

Jack's first action after glaring at Sam and declaring his mistrust, is to revive Kelly. It’s not the worst first move a possible Big Bad of the year has made. So Sam only halfheartedly tries to convince Jack to stay. The kid is stone set on staying neutral and picking no side except his mother’s. He doesn’t give a shit about Heaven or Hell’s plans and his supposed destiny. He’s just an all powerful being who wants to choose his own path in life, and who is Sam to stop him? Being the supposed almighty Antichrist and choosing family and free will worked out for Jesse so far, so why not for Jack?

And Sam’s got shit to deal with himself. There's a dead king of hell, a mother that's trapped in another dimension with Lucifer (which means they probably hadn’t seen the last of him), and a dead and another now grieving brother. Not to mention his own mental and emotional health. Sam didn’t need another big bad right after the last one, as it had always been. So he let’s Jack and Kelly go.

Sam allows himself to take five calming breath before following them out of the house, expecting them to be gone. Instead he finds Kelly leaning against the truck and Jack crouching next to Dean, who’s clutching a limp Castiel to his chest. His eyes are red and tears stream silently down his face — isn’t that a first.? Sam’s stomach coils as the realization hits him, this is the first time he has seen his brother openly mourn — and that the body in his brother’s arms is Cas. Cas, his friend, his freaking in-all-but-blood brother,  _ lifeless _ as Dean cradles him above the scorched earth.   Cas is  _ dead _ , and this time, there are even wings on the ground to prove it.

Bile rises in his throat but he swallows it down. He lets himself sink to the ground beside Dean, placing a hand on his shoulder, offering him any support that was left in him to give. Sam can’t lose it now. There are things they need to do. They need to get up and going, because that rift was sure to have attracted the attention of some kind of authorities, they need to call Jody and they need to — to get Cas’s body and bury —

“I can revive him,” Jack says. Dean makes a strangled noise but doesn't lift his head. Sam snaps his head around so fast he all but sprains his neck — and why not a little neck pain to add to this clusterfuck of a day. He stares at Jack, because why the hell hasn't he done it yet if he can and is willing? “He wasn't human so it's going take a while, and meanwhile, he's not going to be himself.”

“Which means?”, Sam asks, doing his best to sound too hopeful or demanding. But the notion sounded too good to be true, and Sam knew there was no way he’d bring Cas back at the cost of sacrificing the very essence of what made him  _ him _ . They've been there, they've done that. Cas would never forgive them and he's not sure he can count on Dean to remember that right now, so Sam's going to put his foot down if necessary, even if it kills him.

“He's going to be remade, just like creation itself and that takes time. Though he's going to look like himself, he still needs to —” Jack stops, fixing Sam with a lost gaze, searching for the right words to explain. “— to grow back into the person he has become.”

“He's gonna be himself again though?”

“In a couple of days. Castiel is good, he's faithful, he — he gave me a chance. He shouldn't have been sacrificed for me.”

Sam nods. Temporary  they can deal with. Worst case they'll have to lock up Cas for his own good and apologize to him later — and maybe apologize to Dean too. But that's a price he’s willing to pay for Cas’s life.

“Okay”, Sam agrees and Jack reaches for Cas but stops, hand hovering over him. He searches Sam's eyes again, clearly having decided he's the one making the decisions here.

“He's not going to be an angel anymore. I cannot restore his grace. It's too much, too powerful a thing for me to do yet.” His eyes dart to the ground very quickly and his head drops the tiniest amount as if he's ashamed. “I don't have that power yet... and I don't know if I ever will.”

Sam's eyes fall closed for a second and he draws a deep breath. Of course there had to be a catch, when had there ever  _ not  _ been a catch? His hand, still on Dean's shoulder, clutches the fabric just a little too hard but he can't help himself. It's not fair. How is he supposed to make this decision? How is he supposed to decide if it's worth sacrificing that part of Castiel — whether or not it's a necessary part of him or just a minor matter like hair color? Castiel is a celestial being, has been for millenia, so what gives Sam the right to rip that from him just so he could be with them — would he even be himself?

It's the very question Sam didn't want to answer and he falters, lost for words because he doesn’t know if this is the point where he's supposed to draw the line. He stares at Jack, unable to answer And Jack stares at him, waiting.

“Do it,” Dean's voice breaks the silence, and he lifts his head to look at Jack for the first time. Jack turns his gaze to Dean and Sam’s eyes dart to his brother’s face. His features are determined, and though his cheeks are still wet and his eyes puffy, he seems surprisingly composed. He nods as he looks at Jack and repeats, “Do it. It doesn't matter.”

“Dean,” Sam intervenes, squeezing his brother’s shoulder. He feels like he wants to punch something or maybe vomit, but he has to say it. Someone has to. “We can't decide that. You know I want him back too but... Cas is an angel. That stuff is important to them. And I know it seems like a small price to pay for us, but we have to think if Cas would want this  — for us to give that up for him.”

“Yes he would”, Dean says without hesitation, snapping his head around to fix Sam with a stern look.

And Sam would love to give in, to let all the uncertainties go but they've been around this block so many times now that he has to make sure that they’re doing this for the right reasons. Not for grief, not for being unable to let go. So he opens his mouth again and forces himself to say: “He's an angel! We can’t —”

“No he's not!” Dean glares at him in defiance and squeezes his eyes shut, like Sam just said something completely absurd. “He's Cas.”

Sam opens his mouth to object — to reason with him —but Dean doesn't let him, rushing to continue. “Yes, he's an angel, but that doesn't define who he is. He's also dorky and stubborn, and he's caring. Self sacrificing, funny, trusting and maybe a little bit naive. He's an idealist and he's got a hell of a lota self-worth issues. He's passionate, he cares for the little things in life and he doesn't always get our references or our reasoning but he always tries. He likes silly cat videos on YouTube and cheeseburgers — even when they just taste like molecules. And though he doesn't always know how to express it, he loves and cares for his family. Fit's right in I guess.”

Dean's breath comes fast as he finally takes a gulp of air. But despite his breathlessness, his gaze holds steady, his voice filled with such conviction that Sam believes him. 

“ _ That's _ who Cas is,” Dean emphasizes, giving a little nod to Cas's body that he is still holding tight, his knuckles white and shaking. “This vessel, his grace, are like us having an arm or a leg. It's gonna suck losing it but it's not gonna take away who we are. He's not an angel. He's a person!”

Dean closes his mouth and shifts his eyes to look down at Castiel again and Sam knows that he's right. Ever since they’d known him, Cas had fought tooth and nail to find who he is and his place in the world. And though there had been a few bumps and obstacles along the way, he had chosen them time and time again. He's become so much more than what heaven had made him to be. It would be an injustice to his very being to diminish Castiel to such a miniscule issue.

“You're right”, Sam breathes, relief rushing through him.

Dean finally lowers Cas’s body, gingerly resting his head on his legs. Sam watches as he carefully brushes a finger along Cas’s forehead, pushing back a few stray strands of hair —  and god, Sam prays that this works, because how is he supposed to pick up the pieces otherwise? His brother draws another steady breath, obviously contemplating something before looking at him again.

“He's a person, Sam. And he would rather be with us than have his grace. Just like we'd rather give a leg than leave the other alone. He's family.”

“Yeah he is.” Sam squeezes his brother’s shoulder again and shifts his gaze to Jack, who’s still watching silently, waiting. “Do it.”

He inclines his head, acknowledging their decision. He lightly presses his fingers to Cas’s forehead, now cradled in Dean’s lap — just like Cas had done for them so many times before. His hand lights up with that yellow glow, the grace oozing into Castiel from his fingertips. It slowly spreads through Cas’s body, illuminating him until he finally lights up. It’s so bright that Sam has to close his eyes. When he opens them, the light is gone and Jack is breathing hard.

He gives Sam a small smile and stumbles to his feet. Sam’s sure he’s going to trip but Kelly, who Sam had completely forgotten about, appears at his side, wrapping a stabilizing arm around him . He sags into her and she holds him even closer.

“It's okay.”, Sam hears her murmur, “You've done good.” He's amazed how strong she is for a person so small, but then he remembers how strong she's been ever since she's been thrown into this mess. It shouldn't really come as a surprise to him. She'd fought like a lioness fights for her cub, and she sure as hell isn’t going to stop now.

Kelly smiles when she catches Sam watching, her eyes sad and apologetic. “I'm sorry”, she says, and it feels sincere. “But we have to go.”

“I know. Me too.” Sam answers and because he means it he adds, “Take care.”

She nods and turns away, pulling Jack with her. But he hesitates, looking to Sam and Dean one last time. “He should be back soon. And then... just give him time. Tell Cas — tell him thank you. I'm sure we'll meet again. Hopefully under more  _ ideal _ circumstances.” He raises his hand in a small wave-salute before turning back. “Good luck, Winchesters.”

Sam hears their footsteps receding and the shutting of doors as he turns back to Dean, who's now clutching at Cas’s shoulders, staring into his unmoving face.

“What if he doesn't?”

“He will,” Sam insists as he too reaches for Cas with his free hand. He settles it on his upper arm, curling his fingers into the well loved trench coat. There's the sound of an engine coming to life, but he can't be bothered to acknowledge it. “He will come back, Dean.”

They sit quietly, keeping watch over their friend's still lifeless body, waiting and hoping. As the truck’s taillights disappear into the distance, darkness settles around them and Dean's breathing becomes ragged next to him. As determined and composed as he seemed earlier, just as shattered does he seem now and he can feel how Dean's whole body dissolves into panic. Sam carefully rubs his palm in slow circles along his shoulder blade, offering what little reassurance he can give.

Sam’s eyes are fixed on Cas, willing him to wake up, or open his eyes — or give any sign of life. Because he knows, even if everything works out, Dean is going to break if it's nothing happens soon and Sam himself could very much use a little hope right now.

And as the last rumble of the fading car subsides, in the tense silence, Castiel takes a first tentative breath.

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to [jdragon122](https://jdragon122.tumblr.com/), who was kind enough to tidy this story up, when it was still a huge mess of words. All credit for this being a decent reading experience goes to her.
> 
> And of course thank **you** for reading! If you want you can find me on tumblr [here](http://itsmajel.tumblr.com/). Feedback is as always highly appreciated and if you liked this story, [please consider reblogging on Tumblr.](http://itsmajel.tumblr.com/post/162717434578/a-sam-pov-cas-revival-12x23-fix-it-story)


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